Living Mama’s Dream

Ever sat there and wondered how you got to this stage of your life in just one blink? It seems that life is quicker than lightening at the moment and i’m finding it hard to keep up with the day to day chores of life. I found myself sitting staring at my baby girl this morning who is not so baby anymore, mesmerised with her little features and how she looked so peaceful sleeping. I longed for a girl, I don’t know if it is just a girl thing or something you are programmed to want when your playing dress up with your dolls, but a girl is what I always wanted. When the surgeon lifted my first born over the curtain and my husband screamed “GIRL” something inside me (even though I couldn’t feel a thing!) just burst with delight. There she was my little girl, my future best friend and my future side kick.

Up until I moved out (aged 30!) I would always find myself in the centre of my parents bed having long chats about this and that. When my dad was still around it would start with a cuddle with him and then I would hop in the middle and make sure I disturbed any ‘moment’ my parents might have been having. After dad had gone I would sit on his side with mum on her side, coffee’s in hand and we would try our best to continue the chats we always had. Funny thing was even though we sat next to each other we would find ourselves talking to one another via the big mirror in her bedroom. My sister would then stroll in after lying in for 3 hours and it made me yearn to have this with my daughter in the future…whenever it may be.

I have been told on numerous occasions that Alizé is my karma for being so mischievous when I was younger. She has developed this little character that makes you just sit back and watch her in awe, some may replace the word awe with the word shock or horror! However, I am in awe of her. Yes I may have been a little (or extremely) naughty in my younger years, causing my parents to visit the head teachers room several times, and yes my daughter will most definitely have me walking down the same corridor of shame at some point in my life. For now however, she is a character that captures everyones heart when she walks in the room. She enters all destinations waving like the Queen, if you’re lucky she will sing and dance for you and if you’re doubly lucky she might flick her hair like Beyonce and cut her eye at you with some serious attitude. Either way she makes you smile in pure amazement at how old she is for her years.

From the moment I could speak I was a performer, entertaining all that was around me whether it be family or strangers. Years of drama schools and dance schools later I found myself as a working actress in my 20’s, but things change as some may say and I have yet to fulfil a dream that is hidden deep within me. Maybe one day I might just capture it, or perhaps I have my dream and it is going to shine within the mini me. When I look at my little girl I do not see karma, I see a character that I once was, a dream that I once had, living within her. I have enough in my life to keep me going and I will one day sit in an audience and watch my little karma live the dream that she will deserve.

I may not know much but I can bet my bottom dollar on it!



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